Lindsey's One-Sentence Reviews: Reviews Harder

Okay, here we go again! It's the end of the summer. I'm covered in mosquito bites from my weekend on Lake Erie. I saw a couple of movies. You read on...

Death at a Funeral: Miss Piggy directs Wash on a drug trip, hilarity ensues. SEE IT NOW!

Sunshine: If you like these words: "Amazing" and "Film" SEE IT NOW!

Stardust: If you like these words: "Neil" and "Gaiman" SEE IT NOW!

The King of Kong, A Pocketful of Quarters: Not the best doc on this list. Not the best movie period. Not really worth your time. AVOID UNLESS YOU'RE A REALLY BIG DONKEY KONG FAN OR YOU LIKE SEEING JERK-OFFS WITH BAD HAIR SAY THINGS LIKE "EVERYTHING I SAY DRAWS CONTROVERSY...LIKE THE ABORTION ISSUE." TOOL! YOU PLAY DONKEY KONG!

The Bourne Ultimatum: Things blow up! Matt Damon punches people in the throat! Good clean fun! RENT IT!

Transformers: Goofy dialogue and Optimus Prime doesn't fly. RENT IT LATER TO WATCH ON A BIG SCREEN TV!

Ratatouille: Cute. Not as good as Finding Nemo or The Incredibles or Monster's Inc. It might be on a par with Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. RENT IT ALONG WITH NEMO OR INCREDIBLES AND COUNT THE EVENING AS A SUCCESS.

300: Lots of warriors! Lots of well-defined abdomens! SEE IT NOW!

Knocked Up: The 40-year old Virgin it is not. Cute and silly. RENT IT!

Superbad: If you like dick and fart jokes and no plot line, this is the flick for you! SEE IT HIGH (you know, if you do that kind of thing...not that I'm condoning or condemning)

Sicko: This is the best doc on this list. It's also Michael Moore's best film since Roger and Me. SEE IT NOW, THEN MOVE TO CANADA...OR FRANCE...OR CUBA...

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: They're 18 (in real life) so you don't have to pretend to only be watching the movie...which is phenomenal, by the way. But I advise not being in the middle of book 5 when you go to see it. And, hey! What about that book 7, right? Fantastic! I am missing my Harry...until Thanksgiving 2008. SEE IT! OWN IT! LOVE IT!

Hairspray: You can't stop the beat! Just think about something else when John Revolta is on the screen, okay? Focus on Christopher Walken! Focus on Zac Effron! Focus on Nikki Blonsky! Just forget about Vincent Vega and you'll be fine. SEE IT FOR A FEEL-GOOD...UH...FEELING, OR JUST BUY THE SOUNDTRACK!

The Simpsons Movie: As good as season 6, but not as good as season 4. SEE IT NOW! BUY IT WHEN IT COMES OUT AND PLACE IT LOVINGLY WITH YOU DVD COLLECTION!

The Ten: 20% hilarious! 30% mediocre! 30% strange in that not-so-good way! 20% aw-ful! RENT IT AND USE THAT FAST FORWARD BUTTON TO SKIP TO THE COVET SECTIONS!

For the record, most of these movies are probably not playing at a theatre near you as I am months behind on my reviewing, but the ones you should look out for are: Sunshine, Death at a Funeral, and Stardust. If you find these, you're golden!

Stay tuned because in 3 months or so, I might just post something new!